Whisper #35 – What is the Perfect Vagina?

Author: Kirsty Higginson – find her on Twitter


Are you happy with your vagina? I’m sorry if the question seems a little forward, or a bit in your face, but it is a question that I’d really appreciate if you could answer without thinking too much about.

After my second child, I wasn’t happy with my vagina, it just felt all felt wrong ‘there’. My husband, the poor soul, would listen to me whine about how much it had changed and, when I’d finished, he’d lovingly tell me that everything felt as it had before the birth. Nothing had changed.

Obviously, being woman, I thought he was literally saying it for a bit of peace or maybe to make me feel better. I haphazardly told him that if I had the money I’d seriously seek help for normality to resume in the downstairs department. He buried his head in his hands.

That was was in 2003.

Today, in 2011, I am the one burying my head in my hands. Realisation set in long ago that nothing is actually wrong down ‘there’, it never was and it does, quite simply cover my definition of being perfect; it serves its purpose well.  So, when I recently came across an article in The Independent, entitled; ‘Pornography linked to huge rise in plastic surgery for women’, I quite simply just wanted to cry.

Not for myself, oh no, my boat has sailed and there’s no way I am going down that route again, but for our younger generation who are easily influenced and for the women who do feel that their vagina just isn’t good enough or right. Don’t get me wrong, I know it can be a serious problem for some, but I am specifically talking about those who want to just ‘approve appearance’, it saddens me that some women feel their vagina isn’t acceptable on those grounds.

Back in 2003, the problem was that of course it was going to be a little different after giving birth to an 8lb 3oz baby, I was swollen and sore – but other than that it was fine. The fact that I had been pondering over my genitalia twenty four seven meant that it did change – albeit in my head and not in reality. My brain had thought about it for far too long. Well, you don’t normally lie in the throws of passion trying to workout out if IT has changed, shrunk, got bigger etc…..and if you do, you really need to stop and go with the flow, enjoy it.

Love, sex and passion aren’t about thinking – it’s not about making a list in your head about what you’ll need at the Friday big shop OR whether you need a designer vagina, it’s about going with the fantastic and orgasmic flow and leaving your inhibitions behind…..forever.

Quite frankly I believe the world is now going crazy – do we all need to have a similar vagina to be accepted? No. Should we be made to feel that it has to have some certain shape to feel womanly? No. It’s the same with the waxing/Brazilian/Hollywood* phenomenon that are currently being waved in out faces. What are we doing people, or better yet, what messages are we sending out that see so many woman want to tweak their bits?

I, finally, have turned a corner and go with the flow – not what others want me to do. And, I certainly do not let society and the media try and dictate how I should look – under my clothes and over them.

So, please, women of the world, try it – it is liberating. Be who you want to be, not who you are told to be.


*What is a Hollywood anyway? Please excuse my ignorance I just couldn’t really care. I’m guessing there isn’t a Manchurian or a Liverpudlian?


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7 Responses to Whisper #35 – What is the Perfect Vagina?

  1. Betty Herbert 02/11/2011 at 11:11 #

    I’m going to weigh in first! A Hollywood is when you have everything waxed off, not even leaving a ‘landing strip’ as with a Brazilian. I had this done as part of one of the Seductions, and liked it so much I kept it up. I think we often leap to conclusions that women are undertaking certain acts of grooming because they’re being oppressed by social norms, but it’s not always true. In my case, I found that the Hollywood just felt bloody amazing, like owning an entirely new fanny. That said, I’ve grown it all back at the moment, just for the change. It’s nice to have the choice and control, as long as you don’t feel it’s obligatory.

    But I find vaginal surgery disturbing too. Clearly there are many cases in which it heals injured vaginas, but there’s also a sense that women rarely get a chance to see the range of vulvas out there, and so assume theirs is ‘wrong’. And, interestingly, I don’t think this pressure comes from men, who seem to just generally like looking at vaginas, whatever their shape. It’s part of the pressure women pile on themselves, to be small, neat and tidy.

    Anyone who’s worried that their vagina is abnormal would do well to visit Betty Dodson’s site, where you can download lots of film about the work she’s done to showcase the range of lovely vulvas there are out there.

  2. CrossEyedPianist 02/11/2011 at 13:47 #

    What a refreshing post! I’ve never worreid about the appearance of my vagina. I know it suffered a bit during childbirth (I had a massive episiotomy) and there is some scarring, but it still functions beautifully and my husband regularly shows his appreciation of it! Girls, let’s not be persuaded by the media which peddles the idea of the “perfect” body, and embrace the fact that we are all different. As an aside, I’d far rather look at vaginas than penises – so much more beautiful. ;-)

  3. Carrie 02/11/2011 at 15:24 #

    This phenomenon is something I’ve become aware of in the last couple years. My sister’s “lips” are a bit large, and due to stretching, can get in the way during sex, and make it painful. She’s thought about getting surgery to make them smaller. When I did a little bit of research, I found that it’s like going for Botox, this everyday thing that lots of women find that they “need.” It’s scary. Luckily, I’ve been told by multiple lovers that I have a beautiful vagina, so I never thought I needed a change. I do, however; passionately hate hair, so I shave or wax. I think hair looks okay, I just don’t like the way it feels in my hands.

    I think Betty is right, women really don’t know the range of what vaginas and boobs can look like. Yet another thing that our Health class could teach us.

  4. Claire 02/11/2011 at 16:13 #

    I like my vagina, but I worried about it a lot after childbirth. Weirdly enough, not so much the first time when I was 23, despite loads of stitches it seemed to heal and function quickly. Second time, though, I had a “labial graze” that didn’t need stitching – one of my inner labia had torn in two. It may have been medically insignificant, but it made me feel like a freak, not least because it’s not the sort of thing one discusses. I have no idea how normal it is.

    Anyway, I’ve made my peace now, it’s just a bit frillier down there than before. And I’ve just admitted it publicly, as testament to my new foubd contentment.

  5. Jess 02/11/2011 at 19:39 #

    So well said! This is a scary topic for me because really, how far are we going to get from loving ourselves as we are???

    It’s become a trend to say Save the Ta-ta’s! so maybe we need to start one for pussies. Save the va-jay-jay, I suppose.

  6. Korhomme 03/11/2011 at 19:58 #

    Waxing or depilation is nothing new. The ancient Greeks were doing it 2500 years ago. Perhaps a Californian should really be called an ‘Athenian’.

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