Tag Archives | anal sex

Baby Blue

To keep up with today’s anal theme (our Whisper features a plea for advice from a young woman trying anal for the first time), and because everything’s been a bit pricy lately, I thought I’d offer up this little gem.

It’s nice and small for beginners, it’s only £6, and it’s from Ann Summers which means you can pop in when you’re next on the high street (although in my case, I made the shop assistant blush by asking for it). Okay, it’s not the most glamorous toy on the market, but it’s great for helping everything to get nice and relaxed before you get down to it.

Don’t forget to use lots of lube. As you know, I’m a huge fan of Yes – use the oily version in this case.

Ann Summers Baby Blue Butt Plug

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Blogger disclosure: I did not receive any free samples or payment for this review; I initiated it myself.

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Whisper #20 – Breaking a new boundary…

Author: Anonymous

I’m writing this, partly to see whether I can convince myself by the end and partly to take advantage of the wealth of experience, tips and advice that Betty’s readers can offer. So, the dilemma is whether or not to have anal sex? (Answers on a postcard/ in the comments at the bottom of this post please.)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past one and a half years, and before that we were friends for a long time, so we’re pretty solid now. He knows me inside out and vice versa, so there are no worries about embarrassment, as we’ve pretty much crossed all boundaries with each other. Apart from this one.

The thought was first voiced, post-sex during a particularly rampant Christmas-spell, and whilst he suggested it, I have to admit I was already wondering silently to myself. We didn’t commit to anything, but both thought anal sex might be something we’d like to try. Almost like oysters, in the sense that you feel obliged to try them just in case you’re one of the people who’s mad about them and missing out, but fully prepared to be absolutely disgusted by the experience.

After seeing Yes lube in Betty’s object of desires, I’m thinking of getting some for my boyfriend as a Valentine’s Day present, however, this will seal the deal, so first I need to be sure that it’s for me.

I’ve not done any research, don’t know if there are techniques and rules to the game, but definitely don’t want to enter into it as a complete novice. Worries include immense pain, and physical damage, neither of which I’m a fan of. Attractions include a whole new realm of pleasure, and a new shared experience with my boyfriend. He’s obviously less concerned about pain or damage, and in theory looks set to gain a whole lot more from it, apart from a potentially traumatised girlfriend.

So what I’d like to know is: What’s in it for girls? How should I prepare? What’s the best/ worst that can happen? Is it worth it?

If we do decide to, I’ll write again after the event to let you know how it goes…

If you’d like to write your own Whisper, we’d love to read it! The submission guidelines are here.

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Dare…the Have Anal Sex by Coralie Trinh Thi

When I told Herbert I’d bought this book, his response was: ‘Why do you need a book? It’s obvious, isn’t it?’

Well, he has something of a point, but I don’t think I’m alone in wanting the security of having a book in my hand whenever I try something new. I mean, I put the book down when it gets to the sex bit, obviously. You know what I mean.

Either way, Dare… seems to try very hard to put me off altogether. I sympathise with the author, who has to get a whole book out of ‘use lots of lube’ and ‘go a bit easy the first time, eh?’ but the material she uses as padding leaves a lot to be desired. The problem is that Trinh Thi seems to find it hard to let go of the mystique of anal sex. She wants it to be extra-special, exclusive, dirty. When this attitude is applied to a ‘how to’ book, it results in a lot of mixed messages.

For example, a quote:

“Some people feel that participation in anal sex makes them feel ‘used’ or is something only prostitutes would do…The truth is, however, most prostitutes flatly refuse anal sex.”

Which leaves me…where, exactly? And that’s without even going into the chapters on the mystical and historical aspects of anal sex. I skim-read those.

The most basic things I want from a ‘how to’ book are clear facts and guidance, and reassurance that I’m not doing something dangerous. This book fails to even make those offers.

Perhaps you could recommend a better ‘how to’ guide for anal sex? I’d love to hear your tips.

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Keeping On

We are in bed, naked. Herbert is looking reasonably enthusiastic; me, I’m hoping I’ll gather momentum along the way.

He leans in and kisses me.

‘It’s no good, you’ll have to brush your teeth,’ I say.

He huffs.

‘I can’t help it; I’ve brushed mine, which means that you now taste of coleslaw.’

Herbert goes into the bathroom, and I hear the electric toothbrush buzz on and off. Back in bed, he breathes minty breath on my face.

‘Better,’ I say.

He reaches a hand between my legs.

‘Before we get started,’ I say, ‘I’ve got two sex questions.’

‘Right,’ says H.

‘One: how do we make sure we remember to have sex without having the seductions to jolly us along?’

This is pertinent, because we’ve not exactly kept up the pace over Christmas. I’m trying to be open-minded about this; after all, there have been few moments in the last three weeks that we haven’t been in the company of other people, or hideously bloated, or both. I think we can be forgiven for failing to swing from the paper chains on a regular basis. But now it’s January, the tree is down, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m at risk of retreating into celibacy again.

‘Two: how do we keep up with the more interesting stuff? The stuff that requires planning? How do we learn to say, Let’s crack out the rubber nurse’s outfit tonight?’

I expect Herbert to be irritated by this, seeing as I’ve pretty much put pay to his optimistic half-erection, but he rolls onto his back and thinks.

‘I mean,’ I say, beginning to feel a bit guilty, ‘maybe they’re the same question. Maybe I’m asking how we still make space to explore new things. I’m just a bit worried we’ll go back to how it was before.’

‘I dunno,’ says H. ‘I’ve had a few ideas. I think I’ve still got a seductions hangover.’

‘Oh dear. You mean you can never face them again?’

‘No, I mean I’m still in the mindset of thinking of new things to do. Like, I’d really like to try anal sex again, but this time face-to-face. And I was thinking back to the power exchange stuff we did in the Barbara Carrellas workshop, and actually I think we could take that a bit further. I’d like to take charge a bit more. Not,’ he says hurriedly, ‘in a rape-y way. But I’d like to be able to be more urgent, more passionate.’

‘Right,’ I say, and I must look as surprised and delighted as I feel, because he says, ‘Now that I’m reading through your blog, I see it all in a different way. Like, I didn’t realise that you can’t come from doggy style. Well I suppose I did realise it, but I hadn’t really thought much about it.’

‘I still enjoy it. I don’t feel like everything needs to lead to an orgasm. I still enjoy the sensations. And I enjoy giving you pleasure.’

‘Well I never realised that before. It’s so fascinating seeing it from your side.’

‘Well, I think that’s what’s changed for me this year. I used to think that the whole thing was about giving me an orgasm. Now I feel like I can have an orgasm any time I want; when we’re together, it’s a different thing.’

‘It’s less linear.’

‘Yes,’ I say, ‘That’s why I object to 69-ing. It’s not that it isn’t pleasant, but I’d rather focus on giving you pleasure than half-enjoying you going down on me while I give an indifferent blow job. I’ve learned to enjoy getting you off.’

‘In some ways, it’s harder to receive pleasure than give it. I always feel like I’ve got my make myself useful.’

‘It can feel a bit humiliating, can’t it? To just take pleasure, nothing else? It can feel incredibly exposing.’

Herbert thinks for a while. ‘Alright then,’ he says, ‘I think I’m up to the challenge. I’d like a blow job please, and I promise I’ll concentrate.’

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